My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
