I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Where is the hickey?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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