I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
