is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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