I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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