So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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