Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
