Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
