What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
