I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
