I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
