just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
