i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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