Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
