do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
