It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sober January is a disaster.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
