operation have a gay friend backfired
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
