Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
