I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
