Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low

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(813): View more from Florida

I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.

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(817): View more from Texas

I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.

(512): View more from Texas

Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.

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(805): View more from California

I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.

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