Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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