Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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