Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
