Only a mothe r could love this liver
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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