he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
