im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
