I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
