I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
