I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
