Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
