you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
