Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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