I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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