do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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