he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
