My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
