Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
