well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
