trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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