I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
