watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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