Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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