yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
