"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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