Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im holly from the hills drunk
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
