Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
