idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want nice things and good sex
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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