sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
