I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
