Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
