they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
