I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
