Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
