WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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